then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
These tits shall not be calmed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
