All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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