I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
