I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
