So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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