real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
