in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
now i know why i became what i already was.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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