This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
