is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
