I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
