I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
