Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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