I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
