I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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