420 ftw
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
