Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
