Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize