So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
