I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I could make wine with my vomit
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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