Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
