do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
