I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
