No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
