It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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