Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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