oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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