I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
