it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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