She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
