You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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