Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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