I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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