He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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