If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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