you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.