just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When are your genitals available?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies