It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
