return my video game
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth