OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
