if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
