I wish my penis had an off switch
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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