apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
