Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
