why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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