If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
