You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
