i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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