Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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