here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
