Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
