Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
