Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Randomize
