going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
