Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
