Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
