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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
even my farts smell like vagina
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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