I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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