I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
