WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
