Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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