it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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