I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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