If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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