Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
