Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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