i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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