hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im holly from the hills drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
