we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
how does that bad decision feel?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize