Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
