it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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