So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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