Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
