We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
