I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
