I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
accomplished twins. life is a go
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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