These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize