HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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