I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
