it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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