its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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