will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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