She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
only you would photoshop your dick
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
