I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
