oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
