I accidentally had phone sex last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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