woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
