I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
