wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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