I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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