idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
