ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
